book review » Catalize Law of Attraction Coaching Blog

Finding Flow Didn’t Flow

Finding Flow, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

I love working, creating, scheduling, and being in a state of flow and I align my coaching so that all my clients expect to experience flow even as they are setting visions, intentions, goals and choices of their activities. So, I was really excited to read this latest book on flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced “chick-SENT-me-high”).

Ironically, even though I was a Psychology major and ran plenty of social and behavioral experiments when I was in college, I was turned off by the psychological approach of this book. It’s not surprising that the book is so scientifically based – Mihaly is a psych prof at the University of Chicago and has done plenty of research on what “flow” is in the context of everyday life. And in the setting of the science of psychology, I’m sure this is ground-breaking work. I just didn’t find it to be “breakthrough” information on a personal level.

I think the best example of what I mean is when Mihaly begins to describe the “autotelic” personality – someone who does activities or tasks for their own sake “because to experience it is the main goal.” The categorization of this personality is helpful, because the associated traits mean this person is more often in a state of flow. After describing how autotelic people are more autonomous, independent and more involved and immersed in life around them – more in flow – Mihaly asks the question “how can we find out if someone is autotelic?”

Now, being a practical-minded coach, I’m thinking it doesn’t matter how to find out if someone is already good at being in flow … I want to know, how do you become autotelic if you aren’t already?

It just goes to show that the questions you ask can make a profound difference on the directions you head in life. I mean, instead of the old expression “it’s not what you know, it’s who you ask” I really think we ought to start saying, “it’s not what you know, it’s what you ask“.

The whole book was filled with categorizations of what it means to be in flow with respect to daily activities, work, and relationships. Psychologists are good at categorizing and drawing conclusions about human behavior based on scientific observation of many individuals. And the general conclusion seemed to be that artists, entrepreneurs, scientists and other creative types are more likely to be in flow more often than people who follow the rules and go through the motions designed by others.

If you like psychology, read the book. If you’d rather find practical ways to introduce more of the joys of flow into your own life, go do something creative.

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Another Introduction To NLP

Using Your Brain – for a CHANGE, by Richard Bandler

OK, here’s the second Richard Bandler book on NLP I’ve read lately – a little better than Frogs Into Princes in readability and practicality. This book is also a transcript of a seminar, but it’s geared more towards us lay-people rather than the many-years practiced psychotherapists. If you were only going to read one of the two books, read this one first.

In it you’ll learn one of the main principles of NLP – helping you to release automatic, habitual responses and enabling you to create many, more helpful resources to use in those “habitual” situations that have been holding you back. Read the book for some great examples of how NLP was used to quickly release phobic responses (like fear of driving over bridges). The really cool stuff is how that same program used to release phobias can help you to release any habitual, automatic (and often emotional) responses to situations that keep you from creating the life you really want to live.

I’ve heard a variety of stories about Richard Bandler and John Grinder, the creators of NLP, and I particularly appreciated hearing from Richard’s own voice (in this book) the importance of releasing the automatic responses, but not eliminating the option of responding in those old ways. Even when you release an automatic response of fear or rage or sadness, there are still going to be times in your life when it’s important for you to respond with those emotions. It’s important that you have a full choice of options, resources, and emotions to choose from when you are responding to any situation.

If you can’t already tell, this is a bit of a soap box for me … I really dislike it whenever anyone tells me there’s ONE way to solve my problem (and they have that solution). There are just so darn many approaches anyone can take to life – we are all highly creative, intelligent and resourceful beings. I think because NLP often uses programs to model other people’s success strategies, some people have muddied it into a tool for controlling behavior – choosing what strategies are best for you instead of recognizing that you are creative enough to choose the best strategy in a given moment. In my practice, and I’m happy to see that in some of the originator’s earlier works, the whole point of NLP is to release the stuck patterns allowing you, the naturally creative and resourceful individual that you are, to choose new responses from a large variety of options.

OK, I’ll get off my soap box for now. If you’re at all intrigued by NLP, try getting this book from the library (it’s also out of print) or just take the practical approach and contact me for an NLP coaching session so you can see how it directly helps you in your life, wherever you are right now. There’s nothing quite like a direct experience to know what feels best for you!

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Understanding How You Come Across

People Styles at Work, by Robert Bolton & Dorothy Grover Bolton

If you’ve ever enjoyed the results of a personality test (like Myers-Briggs, COREmap, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera), you’ll likely really enjoy this book, People Styles at Work, that helps you look at your personality not by what you perceive yourself as, but by how others perceive you.

Written with work relationships in mind, this approach is great for helping you uncover how others perceive you, how to ask for what you need for your personality type and how to adapt your style for the other personality types you perceive in your relationships.

At its simplest, this approach asks you two basic questions:

1. Are you more or less assertive (e.g. directive or forceful) than the rest of the population?

2. Are you more or less responsive (e.g. showing emotions or awareness of other’s feelings) than the rest of the population?

If you’re not sure how to answer these questions, ask your friends and family and colleagues … they’ll know.

Based on your answers you can categorize your perceived style as one of four types:

1. Analytical – Less Assertive and Less Responsive

2. Amiable – Less Assertive and More Responsive

3. Driver – More Assertive and Less Responsive

4. Expressive – More Assertive and More Responsive

You can kind of guess by the category titles what attributes might be associated with that personality style, but get the book to really understand the possible benefits and challenges for each. Especially helpful (in the back of the book) is a description of how to adapt to each of the other personality styles based on the style you are coming from.

As with any personality test, I was pleased that this book emphasized that these are just categorizations aimed to make useful suggestions for your relationships with others – they are not a hard and fast rule about how you will behave in any situation. You are a naturally creative, resourceful and whole human being, and you have some natural styles for how you like to express yourself.

If you’ve ever had a hard time communicating with a co-worker or family member or anyone in general, this is a great resource book for quickly identifying practical ways you can adjust your communication style to ease the relationship. As much as I love the Myers-Briggs approach (I am a Psychology major after all), I’d start with this personality test first and foremost for its practicality. It will be a reference book in my library for a long time to come!

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Frogs Into Princes, by Richard Bandler & John Grinder

If you’ve heard about Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and you want to learn more, this is a great source-book. If you haven’t heard about NLP, I would not suggest starting here.

This book is actually a transcript from a live seminar that Bandler and Grinder gave to therapists in the 1970′s (the book was first published in 1979, but I’m not sure the dates of the seminar). For me, I really like short chapters so that it’s easy for me to stop and digest a book while I’m reading it. So, this book was a format challenge for me as it was a a lot of small print with only three chapter breaks.

Nevertheless, there’s great content, great examples of NLP in action, and great NLP processes that you can use and adapt for yourself and anyone you want to do NLP with. It’s not nearly as complete as taking an NLP training course, but the book does relay the philosophical approach of the NLP founders, Bandler and Grinder. All in all, I’d say it’s a “get-it-from-the-library-book” more than a “have-it-on-my-bookshelf-book” (besides, it seems to be out of print, so a library copy is a much more efficient way to go).

So where do you start if you’re new to NLP and want to learn more?

Personally, I started with Chris Howard trainings because I experienced his techniques first-hand and really liked how much sincerity and heart he put into the process. He was also very honoring of letting me choose what I wanted to release and what new strategies I wanted to install. I’ve heard of other NLP practitioners who start to act a bit too much like “God” by telling you exactly what new beliefs and strategies you should have, instead of letting you choose for yourself what resources would be best for you.

The sad news is that Chris has postponed offering his Breakthrough To Success workshop in the US this year.

The good news is, I still have some CD sets of the workshop, so just contact me if you would like to purchase a set. The sets are $50 (including shipping to US/Canada) for 7 audio CD’s, 1 DVD, a workbook and a gift certificate for two tickets to the live event once they become available again. I have a limited supply – so first come, first serve.

I’ll let you know if/when I find a book that is a better introduction to NLP. In the meantime, consider just trying it out with a practitioner (I know a great intuitive coach who even offers free sample sessions over the phone). I’ve not found any better tool than NLP for quickly removing obstacles and empowering your inner resources so that you can easily create the life you want to live.

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The 4-Hour Workweek, by Timothy Ferriss

This book has become my main resource – even more than my dictionary and thesaurus. Well, OK, maybe it won’t replace them, but I’ve sure been turning to The 4-Hour Workweek more than any other reference lately.

Here’s why: Timothy Ferris gives step-by-step instructions and resources for creating a product you really believe in and then marketing it on the internet so that you can better reach your audience.

Now, I’m used to service-oriented money-making. I was in the corporate world for a long time where I sold my time for money. Even the roles I played were service-oriented – consulting and project managing. As a coach and workshop facilitator, I still focus much more on delivery of a service and time spent with my clients than a product – a tangible item – that they can take home with them.

Partnering with Dan who has many products (nature photography, posters and a book) and reading The 4-Hour Workweek have opened my eyes to the value of turning your passions into products. I am so excited to be creating products now that can help me reach many more people than those I coach by phone or touch through in-person workshops.

You may have heard of The 4-Hour Workweek before with a different spin. For a while, Timothy Ferriss was doing a marketing circuit that focused on just one of the chapters – outsourcing. He’s famous for being the guy that outsources his dating – having his virtual assistant cull through potential dates and arrange the date so that Timothy just shows up at the appointed time.

OK, so that’s not really so important an approach for a lot of us. Nevertheless, the book is packed with tested, applicable and practical approaches for creating an income stream that frees you from the “have-to’s” of a corporate life. Even if you want to stay with your corporate job, the book will help you to create a job lifestyle that frees you to work from where you want to work (Bali anyone?) and in the timeframes you want to work. And Timothy helps you create this new world of working step-by-step – even if you have a boss who seems like a tyrant.

Because of all the resources in the book (and available online once you get the book and have the secret passcode), I highly, HIGHLY suggest you buy this one. Even if you don’t ever want to have an internet business, buy the book for the easy instructions for creating and marketing a product you believe in. And let me know what you come up with. You’ll see more soon about the products I’m creating.

The world needs your creative contributions – get started now!

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The Science of Getting Rich, by Wallace D. Wattles

If you’ve seen or read The Secret, I’m confident you will enjoy reading this source book behind the Law of Attraction concepts. And if you haven’t seen or read The Secret, where have you been??

The Science of Getting Rich was originally published in 1910 when there was a flourish of New Thought activity. What I love about this book is that it’s a really simple, quick read that focuses your attention on how to use the Law of Attraction to create wealth.

Here are some of the key points that particularly struck home:

Keep your focus on that which you desire with gratitude and purpose to combat any fear or doubt.
It’s import to increase life for others – provide more usefulness than you receive in cash.
Do what you want to do because the desire gives you the power to do it, even if you don’t yet have all the skills.
Grow yourself where you are, rather than leaping into a new business if you still have doubts.

I also squirreled away some favorite quotes from the book:

“To think what you want to think is to think TRUTH, regardless of appearances. Every man has the natural and inherent power to think what he wants to think, but it requires far more effort to do so than it does to think the thoughts which are suggested by appearances. To think according to appearance is easy; to think truth regardless of appearances is laborious, and requires the expenditure of more power than any other work man is called upon to perform.”

“To permit your mind to dwell upon the inferior is to become inferior and to surround yourself with inferior things. … The grateful mind is constantly fixed upon the best; therefore it tends to become the best; it takes the form or character of the best, and will receive the best.”

“The grateful mind continually expects good things, and expectation becomes faith. The reaction of gratitude upon one’s own mind produces faith; and every outgoing wave of grateful thanksgiving increases faith.”

“Your part is to intelligently formulate your desire for the things which make for a larger life, and to get these desires arranged into a coherent whole; and then to impress this Whole Desire upon the Formless Substance [The Universe, God], which has the power and the will to bring you what you want. You do not make this impression by repeating strings of words; you make it by holding the vision with unshakable PURPOSE to attain it, and with steadfast FAITH that you do attain it.”

“By thought, the thing you want is brought to you; by action you receive it.”

“You will get rich most easily in point of effort, if you do that for which you are best fitted; but you will get rich most satisfactorily if you do that which you want to do.”

“Doing what you want to do is life; and there is no real satisfaction in living if we are compelled to be forever doing something which we do not like to do, and can never do what we want to do. And it is certain that you can do what you want to do, the desire to do it is proof that you have within you the power which can do it.”

“If you feel that you are not in the right vocation, do not act too hastily in trying to get into another one. The best way, generally, to change business or environment is by growth.”

“There is never any hurry on the creative plane; and there is no lack of opportunity.”

“When you make a failure, it is because you have not asked for enough; keep on, and a larger thing than you were seeking will certainly come to you.”

You can find ebook downloads of The Science of Getting Rich for dirt cheap, but if you’re like me and prefer a hard copy you can curl up with on the couch, I suggest you get the cheap online version from Amazon.

It’s worth having in your library for the larger perspective whenever you’re having doubts and for inspiration any old time. It’s in my library – and dog-eared too!

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Fearless Living, by Rhonda Britten

This book has lots of little vinette stories from Rhonda’s life and others’. I found the “Fearbuster” exercises to be the most valuable part of book.

Here are some examples of the exercises and principles, with my opinions interspersed:

Identify your wheel of fear – know what triggers fear for you, what your typical fear response is, the negative feeling it creates and the self-destructive behavior you go into.

Identify your Wheel of Freedom – what is your essential nature, what proactive behavior is in alignment with your essential nature, how you can feel wholeness, and self-affirming behavior that results.

Know the types of “fear junkies” that encourage you to stay in your wheel of fear and how to respond to them.
[I'd add knowing what your monkey mind often says so you can deal with the fear junkie inside, but I guess that's where Rhonda uses the "wheel of fear" concept instead]

Create a “Fearbuster Team” with different types of support to deal with your fears.
[Yes! I think it's great to have several types of support for your journey - friends, family, pets, men, women, coaches, mentors, etc. The more options you have, the more likely you can get just the kind of support you need in a given moment.]

Identify where you have expectations that lead to blaming others or yourself. Turn your expectations into powerful intentions instead. Learn the basics of the powerful language of intentions.

Use Forgiveness rituals to release the past
[The rituals in here were good, but I don't think they were not as effective as the Radical Forgiveness process - my new favorite]

Create a “Life Log” to track your time so you can focus on what is really a priority for you
[I've done logs like this before and they are valuable for setting priorities and seeing a big picture of how those priorities are playing out. My only caution is to not get too persnickety about it ... it's just to give you a bigger picture after all.]

Turn complaining into venting and gratitude [YAY!]

Turn beating yourself up into receiving compliments from others and acknowledging yourself
[This would be along the lines of having a good response to your monkey mind - we all have one!]

The RISK acronym can help you remember how to live fearlessly:
Release your attachment to the outcome,
Invest fully in your (positive) intention,
Stand for the truth (gratitude),
Keep kindness a priority (especially to yourself)

All in all, it’s a good book for your library if just to review the exercises in it … it’s in my library now.

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Finding Flow Didn’t Flow

Another Introduction To NLP

Understanding How You Come Across

Frogs Into Princes, by Richard Bandler & John Grinder

The 4-Hour Workweek, by Timothy Ferriss

The Science of Getting Rich, by Wallace D. Wattles

Fearless Living, by Rhonda Britten

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