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Coaching is like buying a lawn mower

Thanks to my friends at Christopher Howard companies, I got this great analogy for the coaching relationship … and how to make the most of it when you’re the client.

Investing in coaching is like buying a lawn mower.

Lawnmower

When you buy a lawn mower, you get an instruction manual of how to use it, but you have to supply the gas, and you’re the one who’s got to mow the lawn. (Unless of course you hire that out, but that’s another analogy … called delegation).

When you sign up for a coaching relationship, you may get an instruction manual or some verbal instructions about how to interact with that coach. But no matter how good that coach is at catalyzing your life (aka mowing the lawn), you’re the one who has to supply the passion (gas), and you’re the one who’s got to take the actions (mowing) to make your life (lawn) the way you want it.

Is the coaching (lawn mower) still a good investment even though it doesn’t automatically create the effects you want immediately with purchase?

Well, until you find someone who’s willing to make your life just like you like it (mow your lawn), I’d say it’s one of the best investments in yourself you could make. And with the right coach (one who fits you and your desires well), it’s probably the best investment you could make.

If you want to read the “manual” for coaching with me or you want to give the lawn mowing process a spin, check out my current life coaching offers here: http://www.catalize.com/coach.html

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Finding Flow Didn’t Flow

Finding Flow, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

I love working, creating, scheduling, and being in a state of flow and I align my coaching so that all my clients expect to experience flow even as they are setting visions, intentions, goals and choices of their activities. So, I was really excited to read this latest book on flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced “chick-SENT-me-high”).

Ironically, even though I was a Psychology major and ran plenty of social and behavioral experiments when I was in college, I was turned off by the psychological approach of this book. It’s not surprising that the book is so scientifically based – Mihaly is a psych prof at the University of Chicago and has done plenty of research on what “flow” is in the context of everyday life. And in the setting of the science of psychology, I’m sure this is ground-breaking work. I just didn’t find it to be “breakthrough” information on a personal level.

I think the best example of what I mean is when Mihaly begins to describe the “autotelic” personality – someone who does activities or tasks for their own sake “because to experience it is the main goal.” The categorization of this personality is helpful, because the associated traits mean this person is more often in a state of flow. After describing how autotelic people are more autonomous, independent and more involved and immersed in life around them – more in flow – Mihaly asks the question “how can we find out if someone is autotelic?”

Now, being a practical-minded coach, I’m thinking it doesn’t matter how to find out if someone is already good at being in flow … I want to know, how do you become autotelic if you aren’t already?

It just goes to show that the questions you ask can make a profound difference on the directions you head in life. I mean, instead of the old expression “it’s not what you know, it’s who you ask” I really think we ought to start saying, “it’s not what you know, it’s what you ask“.

The whole book was filled with categorizations of what it means to be in flow with respect to daily activities, work, and relationships. Psychologists are good at categorizing and drawing conclusions about human behavior based on scientific observation of many individuals. And the general conclusion seemed to be that artists, entrepreneurs, scientists and other creative types are more likely to be in flow more often than people who follow the rules and go through the motions designed by others.

If you like psychology, read the book. If you’d rather find practical ways to introduce more of the joys of flow into your own life, go do something creative.

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Another Introduction To NLP

Using Your Brain – for a CHANGE, by Richard Bandler

OK, here’s the second Richard Bandler book on NLP I’ve read lately – a little better than Frogs Into Princes in readability and practicality. This book is also a transcript of a seminar, but it’s geared more towards us lay-people rather than the many-years practiced psychotherapists. If you were only going to read one of the two books, read this one first.

In it you’ll learn one of the main principles of NLP – helping you to release automatic, habitual responses and enabling you to create many, more helpful resources to use in those “habitual” situations that have been holding you back. Read the book for some great examples of how NLP was used to quickly release phobic responses (like fear of driving over bridges). The really cool stuff is how that same program used to release phobias can help you to release any habitual, automatic (and often emotional) responses to situations that keep you from creating the life you really want to live.

I’ve heard a variety of stories about Richard Bandler and John Grinder, the creators of NLP, and I particularly appreciated hearing from Richard’s own voice (in this book) the importance of releasing the automatic responses, but not eliminating the option of responding in those old ways. Even when you release an automatic response of fear or rage or sadness, there are still going to be times in your life when it’s important for you to respond with those emotions. It’s important that you have a full choice of options, resources, and emotions to choose from when you are responding to any situation.

If you can’t already tell, this is a bit of a soap box for me … I really dislike it whenever anyone tells me there’s ONE way to solve my problem (and they have that solution). There are just so darn many approaches anyone can take to life – we are all highly creative, intelligent and resourceful beings. I think because NLP often uses programs to model other people’s success strategies, some people have muddied it into a tool for controlling behavior – choosing what strategies are best for you instead of recognizing that you are creative enough to choose the best strategy in a given moment. In my practice, and I’m happy to see that in some of the originator’s earlier works, the whole point of NLP is to release the stuck patterns allowing you, the naturally creative and resourceful individual that you are, to choose new responses from a large variety of options.

OK, I’ll get off my soap box for now. If you’re at all intrigued by NLP, try getting this book from the library (it’s also out of print) or just take the practical approach and contact me for an NLP coaching session so you can see how it directly helps you in your life, wherever you are right now. There’s nothing quite like a direct experience to know what feels best for you!

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Coaching is like buying a lawn mower

Finding Flow Didn’t Flow

Another Introduction To NLP

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